07.11.2021 - Dana Wainstein-Oren

There are several ways to link the frequency of our sexual relations to the level of happiness we experience.

The hormonal explanation

In sexual relations and especially those that include orgasm, our bodies produce amazing hormones. Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter that operates in social reactions. Known as the love hormone, it creates a wonderful feeling in the body, reduces fear, and is important in shaping a sense of interpersonal trust. All sex hormones are produced during this time: testosterone, prolactin, and the more we contribute to their production, the more our sexual appetite increases. Dopamine and serotonin make us feel great, they make us feel we want to repeat the pleasurable activity (although if an imbalance occurs, these hormones can also cause depression, aggression, impulsivity and so on). Adrenalin contributes to our feeling of vitality. Endorphins not only eliminate pain but contribute to our good mood.

Together, they cause us to feel calm and more tranquil after sex and having an orgasm.

I have no doubt that you’re aware of the fact that when you’re calm, you feel happier. Happiness influences your overall experience of the world, whether it then manifests as being calmer with the children, with your boss, or relative to yourself. Happiness makes us more forgiving in general; it even allows us to drive more calmly.

When our day is complicated but we cope with various situations more calmly, that also impacts our level of happiness.

For that reason, I recommend both to men and women, even if your couple relationship is not at its greatest, to take some time and give each other pleasure and satisfaction because it adds a good deal of value to our lives and can additionally affect our desire for, and our patience towards, our partner. And that tends to lead to sexual arousal as a couple, which positively impacts everything.


The significance of sexuality in self-perception

Sexual relations are a parameter in sexuality but not the only one. The perspective of sexuality is comprised of our self-confidence, body image, our experiences, the level of stress we feel in our lives, our positive or negative outlook on life, the education we received, personal examples we absorbed from our parents, our sexual functioning, and more.

When we have sex with someone, whether in the framework of a couple relationship or a one-time activity, or ongoing sexual relationship without romantic ties, it boosts our confidence and self-image.

Women and men talk to me at the gym about how their partner’s lack of sexual desire undermines the partner’s body image and self-image. And in fact, it was something I also experienced with my ex.

When we’re hurt, our index of self-happiness is instantly damaged too. Sex with another person buoys us up, which in turn restores esteem from the environment; when that is missing, it harms our sense of self-admiration unless we do the internal work that helps dissociate the connection between the two.


The social / couple explanation

In the largest study conducted in the field, it was found that the most meaningful index to our happiness is the quality of our social relationships. Not the number, but the quality.

A couple relationship is one of the most important, deepest and most meaningful in our lives. At the outset we feel as though we’re walking on clouds. The body fills with physical sensations of excitement, sexual arousal, the anticipation of seeing our partner, meeting, touch, smelling, caressing, kissing, desiring, licking, exploring and making love. Lots of it.

The start of a relationship is one of the happiest periods in our lives because our body manufactures oxytocin, the love hormone. This hormone makes us feel wonderful, promotes closeness, and is spontaneously produced at the start of the relationship, during sex or masturbation, by physical contact (even a long hug) and by giving birth.

That’s when we have a lot of sex, which makes us want more sex.

In addition to the hormonal and chemical reasons making us happy at the start of a relationship, there is also the fact that we are not too familiar with our partner, and at this stage we only see the good, successful aspects.

Until we no longer do… and when we start to see the less successful aspects, the charged energy between us lowers, sexual desire drops, the frequency of sex drops, and our level of happiness drops too.  This is due to hormonal influences but more so, the sensations and thoughts we have about how that will affect our partner.


The good news is that it’s always possible to work on this area, individually and as a couple, and understand through communication and sexuality how to increase our levels of happiness in life.

So if you’re not having enough sex in your life and you aren’t feeling so happy, be aware that the two areas are interconnected. I recommend taking action that will help make you happier.


The Company hereby clarifies that the information contained on the website is for informational purposes only, and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and healthcare advice, and does not constitute medical advice or opinion. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any medical condition or question you may have regarding a medical condition.

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